Old "this thing"

I had a "this-thing" over at livejournal but i have decided it sucks. i am powerful here. here's all the crap i tried to list over there but never had much luck. cheers.


Saturday, December 18th, 2004
12:27 am
language of the angels
sometimes i think that language has limited us to experience.... the brain does not think in language, we only interpret it in language... sometimes things are... indescribable... themagic word that prevents mishaps...i've been reading far too much grant morrison's the invisibles... it is far too late now...


Sunday, November 14th, 2004
9:20 am
Fags
www.godhatesfags.comthis is obviously a very educational website. I learned according to the minister of this website that the bible uses the metaphor of FAGS, andfaggots when god burns down sodom... but god fucking forbid there be a metaphor in... oh ... i dont know... the genesis story??? or revelation maybe... it is so funny how we choose the things we want to be blind to...i can't find a good way that this site is fake even though it does use some of the excellent rhetoric of such satire sites as www.blackpeoplelovesus.com or www.rentanegro.com ... same style or writing... no obviousjoke...i will be drinking heavily today in hopes that when i wake up the world will have gone away...

Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
7:49 pm
question
what is my purpose?

Thursday, September 30th, 2004
7:02 pm
sober somber
it feels like friday... it's been explained away, but it doesn't take away that it definitely feels like friday... and it's strange how it most definitely is not friday... since i generally only count school hours, it is indeed 7 hours from being friday... the countdown starts in almost 12 hours exactly... this weekend should be nice... i was hoping to have people over (RAINCHECK) but i'm not... i've cancelled all plans... this weekend i must get ahead, or find out tha ti cannot get ahead, then never take a weekend off again as it will then mean that i need not waste the time trying to get ahead, if it's impossible... i wish i could post by email... i randomly write emails all the time... if only it were free (as i'm cheap adn don't want this to cause an expense)... no matter what i do i can't justify paying for this thing... if i were a popular writer... maybe... initially i wanted to get a livejournal (and i think i still have one at blogger) because of Warren Ellis (www.diepunyhumans.com)... i wanted to use it the way he did, as a research tool... but again... expense... lack of a means to justify it... and that horrible fact that i really just use this to rant... today was good... it felt like friday, and i had successful classes as if it were a friday... now i am left with the enigma that it is most definitely not friday, and i've no idea what to do tomorrow... well i've ideas... but what will work...i love my american literature course... i love teaching that stuff... i just wish i knew what was being received... i wish it was a better class than it seems to be... but i can't always tell if how it seems is hwo it is... that sounds almost exactly like a line from The Things They Carried, by Tim O'Brien... hwo odd that i will be making my kids buy, and i'll be teaching tha tvery book...interesting indeed...i'm also thoroughly enjoying Franz Ferdinand and The Killers (this is basically right to Johnny and Charlie who seem to be the only people that respond to me here)... although i do kind of miss that feeling that this was going into nowhere, it's interesting writing for a (limited) audience... blagh

Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
12:07 am
ok fine
well i'm feeling less insane now... which is nice... i was initially planning on staying up late and writing big long messages of thoughts... but i grow tired... and i have a sleeping wife next to me that could use more thoughtful company... will return to being psycho soon... cheers...

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
3:55 pm
neurosis
well since i've made this private, and it's largely read by.. well... me... it will henceforth be thought of as random thoughts going off into the ether... school is tough this year.... it's not much easier, and i wasn't completely expecting it to, but i'm going through the same kind of thought dilemmas i had been... i feel like a priest who's losing his religion... i love waht i teach, but i don't know if i like teaching it... once again the problem is of course getting that paycheck to allow for general living... dreams of self sufficency... and i just worry that it's just dreams... if i was given the opportunity, would i ever write? not even caring about being published, but could i write a lot of stories, or books, and take care of the house and a farm or whatever... the more i'm in an industry the less i like it... the society in general gets annoying... education for money... it seems like we are trying to force people to do things they don't need... if your life's dream is garbage collector, and you don't care abotu reading, why don't you just go get a job... this idea that everyone should be educated is just insane... everyone should have the opportunity, but i also want to say they have a choice... i'm sure you can find a fault in my logic... it's rather faulty... but it makes sense to me... the problem is that we are forcing people to do this... people that don't want to do this, which makes it more difficult for them to do this... how long would it take for a people to just realize they need to go to school and get someting out of it... it seems like they only know what tv commercials have told them about school... stay in school... but they don't see why... and i'm just imagining sitting under a tree being thoreau... that's my problem... i want something that i do not think i can have... the commune idea sounds wonderful... and it'd be work... but you'd almost immediately see the fruits of that work... and you wouldn't need to worry about appreciation, or effectiveness... ah fuck it... as with most journals, i'll look at this in a week, or a month, or a year, and think i'm full of shit... just like now...

Monday, August 30th, 2004
10:42 pm
first post
it's evening. and i'm ranting. because i've been listening to rants all day in one way shape or form. people talk a lot (and i am included in the over-talker group). right now i'm laying in bed, listening to the fan spin and my wife lightly breathe as she sleeps.i'm tired. US politics have beat me down tonight. i want to care, i want to be angry and excited but i just dont' care anymore. i disliked clinton (largely because of my father), and now i dislike bush (largely because of his voice).i read something kurt vonnegut wrote about how people are either liberal or conservative now-a-days according to TV. it rings very true. are you a democrat or republican? coke or pepsi?and it's tired me out. it's late. i'm nervous about school starting (i'm a teacher this time) and i'm already in a bit of a bad mood, which explains a lot of this.but sometimes i just like being in one of these moods. or i at least like knowing that i can be in one of these moods, i dont like it but i do on occasion need it.i'm confused and i'm largely wondering what kind of person i am. and i know the type of person you are changes (i've been at least three different people in my life) but sometimes i have no idea, and as per usual i dont know if i'd like me if i saw myself through other peoples eyes.ugh, i just turned this into a journal. there i was bitching about stuff like a normal PRIVATE journal would be, but this allows me to be published.and i'm going to keep doing this, because i like to believe that once the shit is settled, and i've been able to clear away some of the muck, this might one day be useful. this is not venting, it's reorganization.